Been a while

Or at least it seems it!

I've been distracted these last few weeks with my Granddad being ill in hospital. It's kinda knocked me out of rhythm.

He's better than he has been. He's been in and out of sedation for the past week and he's due to be moved shortly. It should have been a few days ago but they put it back slightly. I haven't seen him for a week due to minor illnesses within the family. I miss him but I'd never forgive myself if I past anything on to him while he's so ill. I should be going to see him very soon. Hopefully before he gets moved to Liverpool.

I've still been practising the tarot and runes. The tarot coming alone better than the runes. I think its because of my memory. I can associate meaning with the images of the cards, but with the runes it's a only a symbol and a name I can't remember how to pronounce. I have to look it up every time. I know the tarot will take much longer to learn because of the multi layers of meaning and symbolism but I'm just finding them easy at this time. I'm going to keep at them both but not stress about it. I don't expect to learn everything in a blink of an eye. This isn't the Matrix :) travelling this path is life long so I have plenty of time (Goddess bless!).

I've also been continuing with my meditation albeit at a slower pace and less often. It's not been as successful as previous, and I put that down to being knocked out of synch. I really enjoy meditation and experimenting with different approaches so I'm going to step it up again next week. I felt I was getting somewhere but I'm sure it's like riding a bike once my mind gets back on track. I tried in the bath yesterday and I gave up after 10 minutes. Usually 10 minutes was a breeze.

So apart from the tarot, runes and meditation I've not being doing much. Before my Granddads illness I was looking into animal totems; gathering information, asking advice so I still have to write that up for my BoS. I'll also post it here. I was also looking into Kemetic Wicca (or is it Tameran Wicca?) but that'll be a different post.

Goddess bless you all )O(

Enough

Sometimes I'm my on worst enemy. I'm to busy trying to protect myself from hurt that I close myself off and become so fucking self-centred it's stupid.

These last few months I've been concentrating on protecting myself from negativity from outside sources but maybe I'm going about it all wrong. Maybe I need to focus on making things better, making things right. Letting light in instead of keeping the dark out.

Am I creating my own shroud of negativity?

Imbolc celebration

Well I've now performed my second Imbolc ritual. I won't mention that they were 10 years apart ;) this years was much better than the last time I did it. If I remember correctly I felt very unsure of myself and what I was doing. Yesterday it felt right and everything went smoothly and I was really calm; I'm sure I felt a little apprehensive the first time and forgot to do a few steps. However I did feel that I was slight stiff and a little too concerned with getting the steps right, well no, that isn't right. A little too focused on the steps? I'm finding it a little difficult to articulate. But anyway it felt right and I was calm... just a little stiff. I guess the sabbats (and spell casting) will feel like that until the wordings come naturally from my own heart instead from someone else's. I suppose they'll feel more natural as I start to write my own like I did with my Yule celebration.

My Imbolc ritual was the first I've performed before sunrise. I definitely felt a difference between performing in the day and night. I didn't think it would be that different; it just felt so tranquil. There was no traffic -although I perform my rituals indoors when I practise in the morning I can still hear people going about their lives). It was just beautiful and I will definitely be setting my alarm and doing it again.

It makes me question how I'm going to go about celebrating Esbats. I know not everyone celebrates them every month but I want and intend to (although I haven't yet). I've not yet researched/learnt about the Esbats. I've just bought Moon Magic by D.J Conway which was recommended to me but I'm currently reading around four/five books (I'm using 2 to structure my leaning and the other 2 for different perspectives, and one which is usually focused on the subject I'm currently studying; it's actually not as confusing as it sounds!), so I haven't got to the Esbats yet. I know that I want them to be a simple celebration and that they'll have to be performed under the moonlight. For the moment in my mind I'm thinking that I'll do something around about midnight. Something simple. I may not even cast a circle but it will be outside. That's something I'm very sure about.

A Promise and Playing Ketchup

Playing Ketchup

I really need to start posting as I go. I always write posts on my phone but I never think to post them straight on blogger, or any other blog right away because I want to add a photo, or I can't remember an author's name or something and then I forget about it until it feels too late to actually post it. It annoys me because then things happen that link in to something I draft posted about and then I do some back peddling and rush to post the posts I should have posted before posting the event that it linked in with... Phew, still with me? So basically I need to stop procrastinating and get posts posted before they're out dated.

A Promise 

The last time I studied Wicca I did so for 9 or so months. I regret that I drifted from the path but ultimately I did and I can't get that time back so I'm putting my best foot forward.

On the 18th January I dedicated myself to Isis, and promised to study my chosen path for a year and a day. After my year and a day I intend to perform another self-dedication ritual where I state that I'm making an informed choice and dedicating myself to that choice. I know most people do it the other way round but doing it this way makes much more sense to me, especially after stepping off the path last time. I'm thankful that I didn't make a dedication at that time as I would have broken it. Not that I ever gave up my religion. No, I've always felt Wiccan, I just stopped practising, but unfortunately I also stopped learning.

I performed a lovely yet simply dedication, and also I performed a Goddess blessing which I felt was appropriate. I felt great afterwards .

Blessed Imbolc, My Friends